Kiss Dating Goodbye
It is not enough for me to be a vocal opponent of the prevalent practice of
wide-open divorce and remarriage in the Church today. I want to nip divorce in
the bud, before it starts. Modern dating practices are a breeding ground for
divorce. According to Joshua Harris in his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye
(Multnomah Books, Sisters, Oregon: 1997), defective dating creates seven
destructive habits, which can lead to increased divorce: (1) dating leads to
intimacy, but not necessarily to commitment, (2) dating tends to skip the
"friendship" stage of a relationship, (3) dating often mistakes a
physical relationship for love, (4) dating often isolates a couple from other
vital relationships, (5) dating, in many cases, distracts young adults from
their primary responsibility of preparing for the future, (6) dating can cause
discontentment with God’s gift of singleness, (7) dating creates an artificial
environment for evaluating another person’s character.
Twenty-three years old and good-looking, Joshua Harris has renounced the
common practice of dating. Instead, he engages in group activities with youth
and adults, until he is later going to seriously contemplate marriage. He
relates his trials and struggles with his own hormones, and his firm reliance
on God to help him discover the one woman he should marry for life. I am amazed
at Joshua’s wisdom and sound principles. In practical, down-to-earth terms,
Harris holds up God’s Truth that young people should have fun now, but maintain
their sexual purity in deed and thought, until marriage. All too many today, as
with President Clinton, define an improper relationship as "going all the
way." However, the emotional trauma involved in modern steady dating,
dumping, and dating someone else seriously again, is not sexual purity, it is
mental and emotional rape.
This is an important book that you should strongly encourage a teenager
or young adult to read. Youth today need this Biblically-based advice and help.
Even more, married adults need to learn vital principles of godly
relationships. Improper "dating" goes on today in the Churches of
God, and by this I mean destructive relationships between brethren, and between
brethren and Church leaders. I am not referring to sexual relationships
per se, but human relationships. The type of relationships fostered in
many Church organizations leads to division, dissention, and spiritual
divorce. I have been "dumped" several times by Churches, and the
trauma still hurts myself and my family. It was 140 miles over the mountains to
the nearest Church group with beliefs similar to ours. Our two cars are 12 and
13 years old, and we just paid tens of thousands of dollars to send our oldest
daughter to college, and were facing college bills for our second daughter. We
could not afford to make this trip very often. When we did, were we welcomed by
the congregation? The young people taunted my youngest daughter with the
sneering question: "What are you doing here?" In a question and
answer session with the visiting regional director, a person asked the
question, "Should we allow someone to attend Church who doesn’t come
almost every Sabbath?" Shortly thereafter, this group decided to change
affiliation, because they believed their former headquarters was not doing enough
to preach the Gospel to the world. I was informed, when I called the pastor,
that our family would not be welcome unless he was assured that all of
our beliefs were in sync with his. Previous to this phone conversation, to my
knowledge, we had never discussed any doctrinal differences with him, nor with
anyone in the congregation.
If this group does attract new people as the result of mass media
television and radio programs, what would happen when these new people started
attending services? Would the newcomers be treated with the same contempt as we
were? If so, why bother "preaching the Gospel"? To date, not a single
member of this congregation has contacted us to extend a right hand of
fellowship and friendship. I can relate other stories about my experiences and
other’s along this line. If the Church of God has the Truth of God, it will
demonstrate John 13:35, "By this shall all men know that ye are My
disciples, if ye have love one to another."
Relationships between the brethren are important, and we are doing a
terrible job in enhancing spiritual fellowship. Today’s Sabbatarian churches
are often breeding grounds for spiritual divorce, broken friendships,
broken associations. If we are in the same spiritual family, then we need to
make it priority number one to improve our relationships with the brethren. The
principles of Godly relationships given in Joshua Harris’ book, I Kissed
Dating Goodbye can benefit young people in their relationships with the
opposite sex, and adults in their relationships with others in the Church.
Don’t read this book only once. Read it again and again, and put its Godly
principles into practice. I Kissed Dating Goodby, (retail $9.99) is
available from Giving & Sharing, PO Box 100, Neck City, MO 64849 for
a suggested donation of $8.50. Every teenager, young adult, and Church member
needs this book!