Chapter Eight

MANY parents are in a frightful hurry to get their children out of the home, and into some sort of formal education. A desire for more time, for another job, for belonging to various and sundry "social" clubs and groups has led countless young mothers to give rise to a burgeoning new profession in our land. It is the "day school," the "nursery school" and the "kindergarten."

Many parents try to enroll their children in a public school at 5 years of age, or one year prior to the standard entrance age in most school districts. Seemingly their only concern is to get rid of their children -- get them in school as soon as possible. How many ladies' magazines, novels, TV serials and movies have portrayed the "typical" harassed mother who sends her poor, shuffling, bumbling clod of a husband off to work with a disinterested peck for a kiss, and then, hair streaming, apron strings flying, bustles busily through the house, scrubbing, dressing, feeding and shoving her children out the door, to collapse on the couch with exhaustion, a cup of coffee, and her favorite love story?

Why, oh, why is it such a disgrace to work in America and Britain today? Why is it such a disgrace for parents to really take the time to teach their children? Why are such normal, natural, wholesome and good things as homemaking, cooking, and teaching children at home looked upon as mere bondage and drudgery?

Decades of experience with growing children has taught teachers that a child is still too immature, too much a little INFANT to really be placed in a DAILY classroom environment before he is six full years of age. Most teachers are very reluctant to admit children under their sixth birthday for that reason, and rightly so.

The average child should never be placed in a DAILY school until after he is six. However, today there are so many broken homes, so many divorcees with children, so many homes with parents striving frantically to live far beyond their means, and holding down two jobs, that myriads of children are, through one excuse or another, placed in schools even at age three. Here is another heartbreaking tragedy of our age.

There are, to be sure, INESCAPABLE SITUATIONS that would demand that a child be cared for by a responsible, bona fide nursery school. However, never forget that such situations are the direct result of the parents' problems and that they are causing the children to suffer for it! There is nothing normal about tiny children barely able to talk being "farmed out" to others for rearing. Millions of helpless, innocent little toddlers have had to pay dearly for their parents' mistakes.

Some parents diligently teach their children the alphabet before placing them in school. Others teach their children how to read simple stories. Some even have their six-year-olds doing simple arithmetic before going to the first grade. But why? "Why," they might answer, "because I want my child to get a 'head start'! I want him to learn a little faster -- and not just be an 'average' child!"

Parents who teach their children these things prior to their first year in school are certainly in the minority. But in a far greater minority are those who teach their children the most important things of all -- how to learn!

Your child does not necessarily need to know the alphabet, or how to count, or how to spell before being registered in a competent school. But your child does need to know HOW to learn when he gets there.

It is certainly good to teach your child how to read, count and how to write, especially if accompanied by proper discipline. However, the emphasis should be on correct discipline.

The greatest key to learning is proper discipline. A disciplined mind, an attentive mind, a thoughtful mind, that is generally responsive, eager to learn, that is diligent to do what the teacher says -- this is the mind that will really learn in school.

It is by teaching your child the real meaning of discipline, and how to be self-disciplined, that he will become a really "good student."

Without exception, a well-disciplined child will be a good student. He might not be an all "A" student, since this also hinges on his heredity and his capacity -- but he will invariably learn more rapidly, and retain more fully, than others of his SAME CAPACITY who are undisciplined.

But what about your child? Your child is your responsibility. Even though there are frightfully serious handicaps in today's Babylon of confusion, you, as a loving and conscientious parent, can instill right values and principles in your child, and he can learn.

More important than any memory work, such as the alphabet or numbers, and more important than any other thing that a child should learn is discipline. A well disciplined child will invariably learn while others are standing still.

What, then, are some of the most important habits that will aid your child in learning? What should your child learn before going to school?

"He is governed best who is governed least," goes the saying. But no one can be truly self-governed until he has learned how to be governed. When your child begins in school, a great deal of the time he will have to be self-governed.

In today's unhappy situations, classrooms are bulging, teachers are overworked, underpaid, and often poorly trained. Classes are mixed according to various ages, mental abilities, race, religion, and so on.

The average pupil can get virtually no personalized instruction in the large city school systems of this pulsating Babylon of confusion we call "society." Therefore, he will simply have to be well enough disciplined, and self-disciplined, at that. Then he will learn in spite of terrible handicaps.

Begin giving your child a basis for attentiveness, alertness, careful listening to instructions with your mind set on the long-range goals. Think of how badly he will need this good habit later, when he's in a classroom literally filled with distractions, noises, confusion, disobedient children and, in some cases, a disinterested teacher. Be diligent in preparing your child for such an eventuality.

Begin speaking only once. Speak firmly, quietly, telling your child to do certain tasks, one after the other. Tell him to fold his clothes, clean the room, draw the drapes, put certain articles in certain places.

Get him accustomed to following detailed instructions, one after the other in proper order. He will be learning a vitally important lesson that will be a great aid to learning later on.

Remember to apply always, and never feelingly, swift, sure, and yet loving punishment for infractions. Patiently explain the whole procedure. Tell your child exactly what is required of him -- then see that he follows through with your instructions to the absolute letter.

If you tell him to pick up his toys, then get his book and color, or then put on his coat and go outside, make sure he does it just exactly in that order.

A child will -- at times -- deliberately do things contrary to the way in which you tell him. But what is his attitude? What is the look on his face? It is far more important that you as the parent come to recognize his attitude of rebellion or of uncooperativeness than to merely make him perform the prescribed tasks -- although both are surely important.

A first-grade teacher was telling me how a child, when told to sit up straight, would slowly "wriggle" in a serpentine motion until finally, after what seemed like minutes, one part of the body after the other would "straighten up." Finally, he would be erect in his seat. There is a case of open rebellion.

What if a child is told to fold his hands, and place them on the table?

What if the child does not do it? Or what if he is slow to do it? What excuse would the average parent give? That he is tired, nervous, sick, or "didn't understand"? But we really know better, don't we? We know that if the child were older, and more independent, he would be saying with a level stare, "No! I'm not about to obey you!" But, since he is a child, we tend to excuse slowness to obey, and deliberate rebellion.

Make sure your child listens to your instructions, and then make him carry them out, and carry them out cheerfully, and in a willing spirit. It isn't easy -- it won't happen the first few times, or even the first several times -- but if you diligently apply what you have read in these pages, it can and will be accomplished.

Notice the example of a child going to school for the first time in his life.

In all of his youthful six years, he has never been actually taught to simply sit still for any considerable length of time. All of a sudden, he is thrown together with dozens and dozens of other children his own age, in strange surroundings, under a teacher he knows not, and is told to sit still at his desk for perhaps many hours during the course of a day. He simply is unable. He can't accomplish it so quickly. Hence, first-, second-, and third-grade teachers will tell you with almost one voice that their biggest problem is with a group of "fidgeters" who squirm and writhe in their seats, look out the window, play with pencils, cards, or papers, and who simply seem to be unable to sit still while in school.

Why? Simply because they have never been taught at home. Too many parents today wish to abdicate their responsibility of teaching their children anything -- merely expecting to push them off on a school system and have the well-trained teachers, by means of some unknown procedures and near-miracles, turn out decent, respectful, humble, obedient, kind and loving future citizens. This is nothing more than an idle dream -- an abysmal miscalculation.

A child may be taught to sit still while still very young! Picking up the child after he has had a lot of activity and simply placing him in a chair or on the sofa and saying, "Sit!" is ample. If the child gets down, just one sharp swat on the buttocks, being placed back on the sofa and then being told with a pointed finger, "Sit" again might well accomplish a great deal as a first lesson. However -- once you have begun even this first lesson -- keep at it! You may be absolutely guaranteed, that whether it takes more than one spanking on this one occasion for the child to associate immobility in the chair with the command "Sit!" -- he will certainly learn it. This should be learned very quickly after the child learns to walk.

Most parents want their children to do well in school, to bring home good grades, and to be at the top of the class scholastically, if not to be the most outstanding student in the grade.

As never before, many parents are trying to accomplish these goals for their children by enrolling them in preschool programs, hiring special tutors, or, what is even more common, trying to help their children get a head start by teaching them how to read and count at home before they enter school.

A few, at the other extreme, however, are afraid to teach their children anything, thinking that when their children get to school the teacher's instruction might be so different from theirs that their children will only become confused.

The real key to the success of your children in school lies neither in exposing them to the "Three R's" before entering the classroom, nor in a complete lack of familiarity with such teaching. It is the training in character and in the right study habits that will determine whether or not your children will be a success in school. It is character, and good study habits, therefore, that every parent needs to be teaching his children at home before anything else.

Of course, if there is time it would be good to teach your children all you can about reading, writing, and arithmetic. This knowledge will not hinder their learning when they start school -- especially if you explain to them that there are several ways to do almost everything and that at school they will learn other ways of learning that are just as good or even better than what you are teaching them at home.

But in this chapter I want to emphasize developing strong character traits and good study habits in your children that are even more important than any technical knowledge about a certain subject they will study in school.

Let's first start with important character traits every child should be thoroughly grounded in before entering school.

When school is about ready to start, we see our ideal first grader walking up the walk with lunch pail in hand, hair neatly combed, clothes clean and pressed, eyes sparkling from a good night's sleep, and with a big smile for the teacher's "Good morning." It is observed that she is not afraid to come to school without her mother coming into the room with her, having already learned that only babies are tied to their "mother's apron strings."

Upon entering the room, our little student puts her lunch pail neatly on the shelf provided, hangs her coat on the hook by its nape, walks happily but in an orderly manner to her desk, and sits quietly, ready for instruction to begin.

As the class begins, it is noticed that our little student is not playing with fingernails, picking her nose, scratching an arm or ear, tying shoe laces, or looking around the room.

When instructions are given to place pencil, eraser, and book on desk, our little student quickly responds. Within a few seconds she has the exact items before her.

When the teacher asks for answers to particular questions, her hand is in the air -- not waving frantically -- and she is eager to respond. If her answer is wrong, or if it provokes a sincere laugh from the teacher and other students, she does not begin to cry and think about her mistake, but quickly responds with another possible answer.

Halfway through the period it is also noticed that this little first grader will raise her hand to add her experience to the topic being discussed or to ask a question. She does not hold it high in the air for several minutes while the teacher is talking, or ask questions having nothing to do with what is being discussed. No, our student has learned to wait until her elders are finished talking, and has learned to think about the appropriate time to ask her questions, besides.

During the play period, our student is seen playing with her whole heart and strength. If her team loses or is behind, discouragement or "give-up-itis" does not set in.

If she falls down while running, she's up and running again before self-pity takes hold of her mind. She is not too tired to run again if the teacher asks for volunteers, either. She is also happy when others win over her -- she has learned to be a winner and a loser.

At lunch time, our little first grader sits quietly with the other students while finishing her whole lunch within the allotted half hour. No loud talking or the telling of exaggerated stories to gain attention, chewing of food with mouth open, talking with food in mouth, throwing oranges or apples into the air that should be eaten, not played with; no continual unfinished lunches, or spilled milk. Yes, she has even learned to sit so her slip will not show, and stand with good posture.

No, the teacher has not had to tell her all these things: our little first grader has already learned these character traits AT HOME!

When she begins to manifest a little vanity, while the others are busy working, the teacher whispers into her ear, "You are beginning to act a little silly, I want you to stop it." Her eyes fill with water, but within seconds they are dry, and the expression on her face shows she fears to continue to do wrong, for our student has been taught what will follow if she doesn't change.

When the bell rings to go home, our first grader gets her desk in order, stops and thinks about what she brought with her or needs to take home -- so coat, hat and lunch pail do not become left behind or lost. She finds these things and gives the teacher a big smile as she WALKS quietly out of the room.

Can you imagine what an inspiration a student like this can be to a teacher?

This can be said about your children, if you will begin at home to train them in the important character traits illustrated.

But most parents make the mistake of comparing their children with others. What other children do may be entirely wrong.

Here are just a few character traits that your children need to be developing at home before ever starting school. These are ever so much more important than technical things such as the alphabet or multiplication tables.

1. Personal cleanliness and orderliness.
2. Friendliness.
3. Confidence; enthusiasm; positive, happy approach.
4. Ability to follow instructions.
5. Respect for all elders.
6. Stick-to-it-iveness and perseverance.
7. Endurance of hardship.
8. Good sportsmanship.
9. Accurate description of events.
10. Good posture.
11. Emotional control.
12. Responsibility.
13. Courtesy.
14. Modesty.

With continuous effort strive to make your children the type that will warm not only your heart but also those who must work with them in school.

What then are some of the study habits you should be teaching your children?

First of all, as mentioned, teach your children to listen.

Most teachers would tell you that one of the biggest problems they face in the classroom is just getting children to LISTEN.

The number of minutes that are wasted each day alone in obtaining the attention of children would probably total over an hour.

Children need to come to school with the habit of sitting quietly and giving their undivided attention to the teacher who is conducting the class at the front of the room.

But this is not usually the case. Instead, lacking self discipline over mind and body, after only a few minutes most children begin squirming, looking around the room, or having their attention diverted by a swinging door, a passing car, or the roar of an airplane overhead.

Here is the teacher, who through years of training and study has learned the knowledge that is vital to your children's growth and happiness, teaching away at the front of the room, and most of the students, instead of listening, are simply day-dreaming -- hundreds of miles away, thinking about some worthless pastime.

Yes, listening is an essential key to learning. The ability to concentrate on what is taking place before you must be instilled in children and adults alike. And the earlier the better.

Here is one way we can prepare our children for school. Teach them to sit still and give their undivided attention to what is being said. Make listening, whenever elders are speaking, something they practice as a real habit. You may start by teaching them to listen for only a minute or two at first. Then work into periods of ten to twenty minutes.

You must have the wisdom to determine what you can expect your children to become attentive to at their particular age -- which is usually just a matter of experience.

But whatever you do, start developing in your children the HABIT of listening. If you do, they are going to push ahead of other students in their class. They will be absorbing the information that most students who are daydreaming never hear. On tests and examinations they will have the information their teachers expect. Their grades will thus improve. But most of all, they will be learning that knowledge so essential to their future learning and to life itself.

It takes self-discipline to listen and think out what is taking place before you.

But, it can be done through developing the habit of listening.

Somewhere around the sixth grade begin teaching your children how to take notes. Although the majority of what your children will learn in school will come through the sense of hearing, much of what they hear will be forgotten soon after hearing it unless some system of recording that vital information is established.

Teach your children to take notes.

Of course, if your children are very young, this will be impossible. But beginning around age twelve you would be surprised how soon they could learn the habit of good note-taking if you helped them.

(Just because young children are able to take notes like grown-ups, however, make sure they realize they are still children. Tell them note-taking is for anyone who wants to remember what he hears.)

In taking notes, teach them the importance of writing the main ideas and putting those ideas into one's own words. There is no sense in recording information unless you understand what you are writing.

Your children should also learn to make important statements, ideas, or thoughts stand out, by placing stars in the margin of their paper or underlining that information they feel is most important.

If they take notes properly, they will have at their fingertips the information they should know -- and no doubt the information they will be called upon to remember in the future.

Time is one of the most important possessions we have been given. It might even be said that life is nothing more than time.

Children should be taught to control their time -- to schedule their day. Every successful man knows and practices this principle.

Yes, we should teach our children the value of time. Teach them not to let hours slip through their fingers uncontrolled.

By the time they are in junior high school -- about age children should have some type of routine to follow at least during the week -- if not weekends as well.

Having a recreational or relaxing activity immediately after coming home from school would be good followed, perhaps, by dinner, cleanup, and then one or more hours of study, before finally going to bed.

Whatever the plan, help your children schedule their homework, play and recreation periods. Teach them to make the most of the twenty-four hours they have every day. Make sure that somewhere in that schedule is time for them to be with YOU, their parent -- a time when, as a family, you can relax and enjoy one another. Playing cards, or singing around the piano, or just talking about the interesting things that happened during the day would suffice.

Not only schedule WHEN your children are to do their homework -- specifically -- but help them find a quiet place where they can do it as well. Many people like to use the kitchen as a study room. Others find the bedroom is a good place for study. Whatever the location, it should be as conducive to study as possible.

And when your children sit down to study -- away from disturbances such as radio or TV -- help them to really concentrate.

How important is reading? In this day and age it is mighty important. Everyone needs to read, and read widely. There is a storehouse of information in books.

What we feed the mind is what we turn out to be in the end. There are many good books worth reading, but we will have to teach our children to select the good from the bad.

Reading is important in many ways. It helps us spell correctly. It improves our vocabulary and grammar-besides giving us important knowledge.

It will be very hard at first, to apply these principles of character and study, because most children, and for that matter most college students and adults alike, do not have these strong character traits or study habits. But, slowly and surely, they can be acquired.

Remember, it is going to be little use trying to teach your children these principles unless you get right in with them and develop these habits, also.

Children learn principally through example. It does little good to tell them something unless you are working on it too.

It is your responsibility to see that your children are prepared for school, and to help them acquire these habits of character and study.